Being a modern woman blooooows

There is an orange glow in the valley today, like when there were fires in the 805 and the smoke was choking the sun. But there are no fires, just that weird deep tint that makes me feel like something horrible is happening somewhere and I'm just driving around, laa dee daa.

There are spider webs all in my front yard. I wish that was some sort of metaphor, but its true; there are actually big ass arachnids all over the god damned place and it makes walking to the front door very nerve racking. I scream and dance my way to the porch. The neighbors love me.

I'm going to utilize bullet points for why it blows to be a modern woman:

-I surf and I break out from the sun exposure and sunscreen combo

-They gave me pills for this problem

-The pills not only make my birth control not work, but supposedly make me lose my "libido" (I just feel like that should be in quotes) as well as make me really sensitive to sunlight.

-Yeah, this is the reason I break out in the first place. I just trust the old man that prescribed them to me

-I still take the birth control in vain, and the OBGYN assures me it will work anyways...questionable.

-I ask about that crazy ring thing you shove in your vag and he tells me to tests have been done to see if the pills for my face will upset it's effectiveness. Helpful.

-OBGYN mentions I need to get tested for STDs and that the doctor that did my last pap didn't do it (even though he told me he did)

-That same doctor also refuses to refill my birth control because I haven't seen him in over a year, but I can remember the evasiveness of that pap so vividly I could swear it was six months ago. In fact, thats what I told the nurse when she asked.

God damnit! I just want clear skin and to not get pregnant! Sweet Jesus almighty! What concoction of chemicals do I have to ingest to make that happen! Nobody knows! I spent $25 to learn nothing and not get my prescription.

Where does a guy get off on being on being a vag doctor anyways...

I can only hope I'm STD free, my acne will go away and I wont end up with a fetus in my gut on the way.